I feel Trapped :-(

I'm conflicted. Sometimes I realise in many ways I'm the luckiest person in the world. I should have died 'months' ago. I should've remained on that plane, died along with everyone else when that plane blew up. But I'm here. Alive. I've seen so many incredible things. I've actually stepped into history! Nothing really prepares you for that. And nothing is quite as convincing as the actual smells! I mean, you see it, you hear it. But you get that all the time with films...it's smelling the past that really makes you realise you're actually there!

Anyway, I said I was conflicted. I mean by that....I also wish I wasn't stuck here. I know I'm not exactly in a prison cell, I've got all of New York to wonder around in....even if it IS the same two days, I guess if I wondered through every street in Manhattan it would take me quite a few years before I've seen everything that happens at least once. If you see what I mean? But I can't help feeling trapped in these two days. Every monday morning, I see the same breakfast news on our tv. The same stories, the same lame jokes between newscasters. The same commercial breaks. The same weather forecasts.

Sometimes, I really do wish I could get up, walk out through the shutter door and never look back. I have been tempted you know. I have wondered what would happen. Would the agency track me down? Would the agency make sure I disappeared for good this time? And really...could I leave Sal and Liam like that?

I don't think so. It's tempting. But I guess the three of us are family now.

Oh...and here's another couple of Sal's sketches. I think the one with Bob and Liam was them playing chess a while back. Bob totally owned Liam! Not surprising really, since Bob downloaded the 'Big Blue' chess programme before they sat down to play.

Sal's an artist!

I didn't know she can draw! She's got this diary she's scribbling in all the time. I thought she was just, you know, writing a diary or something. Turns out she's also been sketching us too. Not bad either! I notice she decided to sketch me when I'm filling my face with a freakin' pizza.

And Liam? Pft! Hard at work as usual.

I spotted the sketches in her diary the other day and asked if I could take a look, but she got all shy and ratty and hid it away. So, the only reason I got to see her sketches is she's out right now and I just found it on her bunk. Lol. She has talent, she really does. I should tell her that I suppose, but then she'd know I sneaked a look in her book. Maybe I can work on her a bit.

Anyway, meanwhile, being sneak I am I've scanned about a dozen of them. I guess I'll post some more of them soon. When I'm, you know, bored again. Which is quite often as it happens.

Mads xxxxxxx

Oh God

Sal's been so moody. I wish I knew what was wrong with her. She keeps wandering off out of the arch on her own without telling us where she's going to. I kind of ask her to let me know when and where she's going, I sort of see myself as the whole Big Sister thing.

What else, Oh yeah! I've been going through the old filing cabinets and stuff in here. There's quite a few gadgets and gizmos I'm guessing from the future time where the agency's HQ is based. One particular gadget is pretty cool. They're called 'Babbel-Buds'. They look like flesh coloured ear-buds. You pop them in one of your ears and and they basically translate languages for you.

The Babbel-Buds obviously have some clever language recognition code, a voice simulator and a database of language files. Very clever stuff. Problem is you can't sepak another language. What you have to do is sau out loud in english whatever it is you want to say and then you'll hear the translation in your ear. Which you've got to remember and repeat if you want to speak the language.

Bit difficult that bit. Still...totally cool thing.

9/11

I joined Sal in Times Square this morning. It broke my heart. How can I begin to describe what it's like knowing what happens at 8.46am. I was standing there, looking at my watch a minute before, and looking around and seeing everyone doing their normal things, and I could hear...I could actually hear the distant hum of the jet engines of the first plane approaching.

And I watched people begin to look up at the sky as the engines rose in pitch and it got louder and mouth's open and eyes widen.

Then the moment. It was horrible counting the last minute down. Poor Sal does this everytime the field office loops around. She sees all of this. Hears the cries and screams of shock. It was all too much. I cried.

I cried like a child, because it reminded me of this day, when I was only ten, and watching it all happen on a telly in high school. The other girls in my class all screaming and the boys all yelling 'no way!' as loud as they could. And there was and me knowing my cousin Julian was in there somewhere.

God that memory really hurts still. I'm not doing the Sal-run for a long while. That was enough for me.

LIAM WATCHING 'TITANIC'

Me, Sal and Liam sat down and watched the movie, TITANIC. The James Cameron one. Sal's never seen it before, which is understandable. She's from 2026 so it's a real old film for her. Liam, of course, having worked on the ship was a complete pain in the ass. All the way through, I mean ALL THE WAY THROUGH, he was going on about how 'a steward wouldn't talk that way to a passenger', or 'that's not how steward-service works for steerage'. Sheeesh. He was a pain.

But when the iceberg bit happened. Then he went very, very quiet. I sort of felt guilty for moaning at him to shut up. I think that the 2nd half of the movie affected him quite a lot. See, he was there, he went through it all. Liam told me he was below decks through most of it, flushing out all the passengers from their rooms so he didn't actually 'see' some of those scenes you see in the movie...you know the bit where the ship breaks in half, people hanging off the back, falling into the water, sliding down the deck etc etc. He didn't see that stuff, but he certainly heard it, he said; all the screaming, the string quartet playing on the top deck, the sound of the ship's hull stressing.

I asked him how 'real' the movie looked to him, and I swear he was crying. He didn't say much in answer. Just nodded.

It's pretty strange to watch a movie like that with someone who's lived through the events being depicted on-screen. When I was small I once watched 'Saving Private Ryan' with my great grandpa. He was in the US Rangers. And he reacted much like Liam did. Very quiet, not saying much. Doing more thinking than talking.

Anyway, other things? Not much, bubble-days pass although they're the same days you'd think that they could get boring, right? Wrong. We've had fun with it. I mean, being able to 'predict' what every person out there in New York is going to do means you can have a laugh. I might blog sometime soon about that.

Anyway....so. Byeeee.

Postcard from the edge

I'm teaching Liam how to use computers. How do you start though? He's from 1912 and the closest thing to a computer that he's seen before is an old typewriter. Honestly it took him a whole day to get over the the concept of a mouse; the idea he could move around one thing and see the cursor move around on a screen at the same time. He struggled with the idea the two things were related!

So now, I've got him using the mouse okay, and he's getting his head around the internet interface software. That was knew to me, by the way. It's a data collater from several decades down the line, perhaps of interest to microsoft and google it isn't developed by either of them, but the same company who appear to have manufactured our clone grow-tubes. 'WG systems'.

Anyway, Liam can now actually 'surf' the net. (I won't bore myself explaining how much of a job it was explaining hyperlinks to him...fact is he gets it now).

Oh, got a new webcam. The old one stopped working for some reason. Took a snappy snap of the field office. But it's a bit grainy because it's so dim in here. (sheesh my desk looks messy)

Mum and Dad, miss you.

Love M xxx

RECENT EVENTS

I haven't written for a while. Things have been hectic. There was an incident, I best not say what exactly in case anyone is actually reading this, but it was something that happened in 2015 and we had to go forward to sort it out.

Well, it was my fault. Things went wrong. Horribly wrong and Liam and some other kids got sent back...I mean way back in time. It's all okay now. They're back. Everyone is where they should be and stuff, but it's damaged Liam. The travel, it's damaged him and I feel so guilty about this.

He's been sick and he looks so pale. Sal's worried about him too. Sometimes I wish I didn't choose this. Sometimes I just wish I'd gone down with that plane in 2010. It would have been quick and terrifying but it would all be over now. I'd be dead. And maybe if there is something after death I'd be doing that instead of doing this.

Sorry. I feel crap and I realise I'm rambling.

I just can't do this job. I don't know what I'm doing half the time, and I apparently have the fate of the world in my hands! It's living with the knowledge that one little mistake I might make could kill billions of people. That's crazy that I'm in charge! Who's freaking bright idea was that?

Like I say, I'm rambling. Enough already.